Dear Beth,
Of course it’s sometimes hard to
hang on to our good judgment when we really like
someone. I know exactly what you mean.
You handled that beautifully when
you said in a flirtatious way that you have a phone too.
You didn’t say “Oh, I never call men.” Women should
never say that - it’s too harsh and it makes you sound
like you read a book about not calling men! It’s a good
idea to keep your “secret weapons” a secret, and
maintain your mystery.
Men are not stupid. It’s never
necessary to tell a man that you don’t call men - at
least not any man who is worth your time.
It’s not a good sign that
his parting words were “Call me early next week and we
can chat.” They should have been, “I’ll call you early
this week” which states both the fact that he will call and when. So you did well to let him know
up front that you don’t play the game by his rules which
put you at a distinct disadvantage. What if you said,
“Okay, I’ll call you,” and sweetly accepted his putting
the ball in your court to continue the relationship by
pursuing him?? Perish the thought! That would be the
beginning of the end!
He told you to call him “to chat.”
That means nothing – especially since he told you to do
the calling.
Perhaps he was testing you to find
out how much of a challenge you will be, or how “into
him” you already are – or perhaps he’s just been spoiled
by other women who do call.
When you lightly said that he could
also call you, it went well – because he did call you
the next day.
Saying “Hey, I have a phone, too
– you can call me” works as long as you say it in a
smiling and teasing way – never offended or indignant.
It works also because you are telling him nicely what
you want him to do. He’ll get the message.
You already tried to return his
call, and were unable to. So when he calls you, you can
mention that. But it’s not a good idea to try
numerous times to return a phone call that can’t be
returned – even if he does not know you tried to call.
It’s his job to make sure his phone
is turned on. If it’s turned off, then he probably
doesn’t want any calls – especially if he’s left no
means for you to leave a message. He knows he’s
unreachable, and that must be what he wanted right then.
That’s not a problem if he calls you later when he can
talk. He did not forget that you exist!
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