You Don’t Have To Try So Hard
In the 16 years that I’ve been doing relationship counseling, I’ve rarely come across a female client to whom I’ve had to say, “Try harder” when it comes to relationship building. In fact, most of my female clients try so hard that they find themselves exhausted.
Legendary coach, Vince Lombardi, once said: “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect.”
The problem women have is NOT the lack of effort. It’s that they’re only trying what they KNOW – and what they know usually consists of ineffective methods.
It doesn’t take a genius to know that no matter how hard you try at practicing ineffective methods of getting through to your partner or repairing your relationship, it won’t work. The harder you try, the more you end up hurting yourself and your relationship.
What you need are EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES that have been PROVEN to work so that you can go about building and strengthening your relationship effortlessly.
I say this because often women (my clients) are surprised
So you see, you don’t have to “try hard” to keep your man interested or keep the fire burning in your relationship.
All you need are a few proven strategies that are so effective at melting a man’s heart, you’ll regret not having found out about them sooner.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.
The Secret To Understanding Men
Do you know the most common concern I hear from women who come to me for relationship counseling?
It can be summed up in 6 words: “If only I could understand men.”
It always baffles me that women think men are such a mystery because I believe men are simple creatures with simple wants and needs.
In comparison, women are significantly more complex and difficult to comprehend.
I say this not just because I happen to be a man, but because I’ve done relationship counseling with both women and men – and I can tell you, the men have a more daunting challenge trying to figure out women!
Nonetheless, women the world over constantly struggle to understand men.
They find it frustrating that they can’t delve inside a man’s head to find out what he’s really thinking when he behaves the way he does. “That would make life so much easier,” they sigh.
Isn’t it amazing that many of the bestselling books about how to attract and seduce a man are written by women? And yet MORE WOMEN THAN EVER are having relationship troubles! Go figure.
The Worst Advice Comes From….
This brings me to the subject of women seeking each other’s opinions about how to fix their relationships with men – or seeking relationship advice from women’s magazines.
I’ve seen far too many women who spend an inordinate amount of time with their girlfriends psychoanalyzing men to death, trying to figure them out, and often missing the mark.
Or they read women’s magazines for advice as though those publications were the be-all and end-all of relationship authorities.
I don’t wish to discredit women’s magazines in general, but the truth remains that when women give other women advice, they do so in a way that women can consume. In other words, they sugarcoat the pill into something palatable enough for women to swallow.
By their very nature, women always try to comfort and cuddle each other by regurgitating half-truths and fallacies they’ve read in women’s magazines just to make them feel good.
When they’re dumped, cheated on, or emotionally hurt by men, they comfort each other with words like
“It’s his loss”
“He doesn’t know what he’s missing out on”
”The right man will come along. It will happen when it’s supposed to happen.”
While those might be comforting words, they give nothing by way of actionable recommendations to avoid being treated by men in that manner in the future – or better still, how to make a man cherish, love and be devoted to them.
I can’t really blame women, though. Most don’t know the truth about men, and those that do usually find it hard to swallow or accept.
Use A Man’s Tendencies For Your Benefit
The secret is to accept men as they are, celebrate them, and like them in spite of how different they are from you. Once you ACCEPT men instead of resisting them (e.g., calling them heartless jerks or pigs), you can use their natural tendencies in your favor.
Men are physically bigger and stronger than women, so you can’t fight them with force, and expect to win. But with feminine softness, you can harness a man’s strength, and use it to your benefit. Then, you’ll have the upper hand in the relationship.
Bob Grant, L.P.C.
“The Relationship Doctor”
I found this article that was fascinating. It’s a study conducted over several decades regarding what makes men happy and fulfilled. I offer this to you so that you’ll have a better understanding of the man you love…or will love.
Suffice it to say, that men crave the close connection of a relationship just as much as do women.
They don’t show it…and sometimes act as if it isn’t that important, but read for yourself and see what the researches discovered.
I know the title is kind of cryptic, but hear me out please. I’m asking because deep down in the heart of most every man and woman they’ve asked that question…privately.
Then as soon as the question entered their mind, the shoved it down as though thinking about it might make it come true. Then they go about their business and just hope that someday they’ll get lucky enough to find that one special person who completes them.
For some, they do get lucky, but as a therapist I’m afraid to rely on simple random chance. In fact, what I’ve seen over the years is that a person’s circumstances are the direct result of what they believe about themselves.
So you’re pouring your heart out to the man you love or maybe just a guy you’re interested in. He’s listening to you intently as you share more and more and more. Everything you mention has significance to you because you’ve live it.
Your boss who is always making impossible demands.
Your mother who for some reason wants to treat you like a child and remind you what to do.
Something you saw on TV that you thought was funny.
Most of the time I talk with women. Not because that was my goal when I started out, but because women seem to be more interested in understanding their relationships, self improvement, etc.
Yet, every so often a man would walk into my office…and actually want to come back. What I found with most guys is they aren’t as interested in the process of therapy per say, what they really want is a tool that they can use.
It has to be practical, and something that they can being using instantly without having to learn a complex theory.
Hey Bob….How Do I Know If He’s Interested?
Forget trying to read his mind or look for whether he turns a certain way.
To be honest, being a real master at reading body language takes years to perfect.
Surely you don’t want to spend all your time learning that do you?
Just try my suggestion and you’ll have a pretty good idea of whether he’s interested or no.
I know what you feel when you think he isn’t listening. It’s like you just want to shake him and unscrew the top of his head so you can look inside to figure out exactly what he’s thinking. Even when you tell him that he’s not listening, that’s not what bothers you so much, it’s that you don’t think he feels it.
Secret Ingredient To Save Relationship
Are you in a spot where you feel like your relationship is failing and you need an ingredient that you can add that will fix all? Let’s look closer at what the missing ingredient could be.
You’ve probably heard that communication is the golden key that will cement a relationship forever. But is that the only ingredient that will be necessary? In my ebook Couples in Crisis, I make the comment that “…during stressful times, what each person needs more than anything else is relationships and communication, verbal and/or nonverbal. Being connected with others makes almost any situation more bearable.”