Marriage Articles  

If there was one part of my job that I could do without, it is watching couples spiral down the path to divorce. While most couples I see don’t end up getting a divorce, there is that small percentage who are so filled with resentment that either one, or in some instances both of the them has already decided the marriage is over.

While I firmly believe that if two people want to stay together, it really is possible to build something wonderful, there are some situations where one party has decided they have suffered too much pain. It has become a matter of protecting themselves.

I have read many books which state things like, “How to change your partner even when they don’t want to be changed.” I must admit, I have suggested many of these very techniques to wives and husbands whose spouse would never come to counseling.

But to tell you the truth, there are some circumstances (i.e., chronic unfaithfulness, physical abuse, etc.). that make it nearly impossible for one spouse to carry the weight of two. For those of you who have been divorced or if you know of someone who has, let me say that from my experience, what you or they felt was often more traumatic than what most people will ever experience in their lifetime.  

The reason - divorce is more like a death than anything else. In many cases if affects individuals even worse than a death, because a choice is involved. If your spouse dies, there is a certain degree of fate. Something terrible happened beyond your control.

With divorce, a choice had to be made. Perhaps I shouldn't have ended. If only I had given him (her) another chance. Why did I wait so long? Is there something wrong with me? The questions could go on forever.  

What can be done to help heal the pain of a divorce?

continued on next page >>>