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Dating Mistakes
So you have been sloughing through those endless profiles on your
internet dating site and have come up with someone who interests you.
There has been an exchange of emails. He sounds fun and witty and you
begin to look forward to his messages.
You find yourself getting up earlier in the morning just to log on
whilst you drink your coffee to see if he has sent a response to your
latest remarks. During the day you find yourself compiling witty
replies in your head and suggestive lines to throw his way. This has
gone on for a couple of weeks and he suddenly asks if he can call you.
Your chest expands; you are really excited and arrange a time.
Now you are curled up in your favorite chair waiting for the call.
Guess what it goes well, the same light banter, his voice is not what
you expect but that is OK. You talk for an hour. This becomes a daily
ritual which you begin to plan your time around. And then he invites
you to dinner…
Preparing for that ‘first’ date
It has been a while since someone invited you out to dinner (you
may be just starting dating after your divorce). Your immediate
thought is what to wear, need my hair done etc. This means that you
spend the best part of a week running around with the one thought in
your mind “I must get this right”.
You seem to have disappeared and you feel that you need to invent a
new person to go on this date. In order to be that person you have to
package yourself in some particular way. There must be some key that
you can find, a particular dress, new haircut etc. You believe that
you need to make yourself more appealing.
Is this a Relationship?
The evening has arrived and you meet at the arranged restaurant
(good step, as all the dating advice recommends that you meet in a
public place). You are especially nervous and excited but also
slightly uncomfortable because the shoes are new and you feel a bit
wobbly in them. It is strange you recognize this person but at the
same time you don’t.
The voice you know that but he does not look like the person in the
photograph, taller, shorter a bit heavier or gangly something is not
as you imagined. Anyway he seems quite at ease but maybe that is just
a contrast to how you are feeling. Initially conversation is going
well as there are points of contact from your previous conversations
but it isn’t going anywhere.
By the
main course you are starting to drink a little too much to fill in the
silences. Your feet really hurt now and you are taking surreptitious
glances at your watch – only 9 o’clock. No dessert thanks and by the way
you have an early start in the office tomorrow so you have to go soon.
Can’t think of anything but getting out of the shoes. Yes it was good,
do call me… Fantasy
Relationships
Next day or later in the week, the emails/calls are still coming
and you continue to respond. It’s a though you have never met and you
can get on with the easy going repartee that has become almost a
habit.
In your mind he is something you want him to be, well not quite but
you can have yourself believe that he is whilst you exchange messages
and late night calls. You are starting to develop a whole life in your
head around this person, you imagine where you can live with him, what
you will do, holidays together in fact everything you ever want with
someone.
This is taking up a lot of head space but that is enjoyable in
itself, you feel connected to someone if only in your mind.
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