5 Biggest Internet Dating Mistakes

The second evening seems very long…what’s really going on?

Too much too soon. It is so tempting to focus all your energy on one person at a time when you are looking to date via the Internet. It’s easy to zero in on the one person who seems to be so perfect for you and not expand your reach to meet your best match. It is important to remember not only the abundance of people out there looking for a compatible companion at any one time, but that you too could be one of these dating adventurers. However, if you put most of your time and energy into any one contact at a very early stage, you won’t be as inclined to scout, screen and sort other possible people.

Dating Advice #1: Don’t make a big investment emotionally in any one relationship without solid foundations.

Throwing money at it. Recent research has revealed that online daters are spending up to $2,700 a month taking out people who they realize, after the first 15 minutes, are not for them (Independent, June 2005). Remember to be authentic and to look for authenticity in the other person. The packaging is only that and is not who someone really is.

Meeting for a cup of coffee or a drink will give you enough time to assess whether this person is someone you want to know better without throwing a lot of money, and valuable time, on dating before you find someone you really like.

Dating Advice #2: Packaging is not the answer. Be clear about who you are, what you want in a relationship, and set about finding it in a considerate way. Look past the packaging in the other person in order to find out if he/she is someone you really want to be with.

Thinking you know this person. We can easily be seduced by email conversations and late night telephone calls. Apart from the actual chemistry that is missing in these exchanges, there is that part that you know very well yourself – the part where you just reveal what you want at any given time.

Determine what you are looking for in your ideal relationship. Put some honest thought into it and write it down. Knowing what your requirements are in a relationship will help you quickly assess if a person you’re dating is right for you. Most of us allow things to just drift along and are not pro-active in having a plan for ourselves when it comes to relationships.

Dating Advice #3: How is it that we plan for everything except relationships? Take some time to plan what you want in a relationship before you get into a habit or rut with someone.

Fantasy – it’s only in your head. It is very easy to live in the fantasy of a relationship, especially from a very early stage. After all, that is why you have signed up on the dating site in the first place – you want a relationship. To keep fantasy dating to a minimum, be truthful with yourself and keep honing your relationship plan.

Ask yourself, using the information you have gathered so far, does this person tick some of my boxes? If so, then you can continue to find out more about him/her while finding out about other people at the same time. Projecting all your hopes and dreams onto any one person, especially at a very early stage, is likely to bring you some amount of pain and heartache when you realize the relationship isn’t going to work out.

Dating Advice #4: Spread the emotional load by giving your attention to a number of people. Don’t be exclusive right from the start so you can better deal with the ups and downs of the dating cycle.

Not paying enough attention to the signals. It is amazing how quickly we can get ourselves into habits inside relationships, no matter how new they are. We all like attention and contact with people, but what about when the habit of that person takes away from the rest of your life – your friends, family, work, hobbies, etc.

Anyone who might be right or you will, you hope, want to share his/her life with a person who has a balanced life – and that includes allowing you to continue to live as you like, and enjoy all the other activities and people in your life, while allowing your new companion to do the same. Straining towards exclusivity at a very early stage and throwing all your time and attention towards the relationship spells disaster.

Dating Advice #5: Get out there and have fun dating – but make sure that your relationships fit in with the rest of your life as a successful single. Know your requirements, needs and desires and look for someone who can meet those.