Emotional Dependency - Men Actually Want This

Whenever you hear the word “dependency,” most of us think in terms of some form of addiction or disease. It tends to imply something that should be avoided, fixed, or terminated. Most individuals with dependencies are those with addictive personalities, and thus rely on others to meet their needs and fulfill their responsibilities. Not the type of person you want to be in a relationship with, or aspire to become.

What if I told you that making a man emotionally dependent on you was a good thing? In fact, what if I could convince you that a man wants to be emotionally dependent on the woman of his choice?

As far fetched as this might sound, I promise you that most men view a relationship with a woman as a prize. A woman has the ability to take away a man’s pain and make him feel powerful at the same time. In no other place can a man find such a combination in one package.

Q. How can a woman utilize her advantage as a woman to induce such a state over a man?

A. It is by practicing the very skills that cause men that they are usually not interested in to pursue them.

When I am speaking with a client who asks me how they should act regarding a man they are interested in I say something like this….

“Imagine this man weighed 500 pounds and didn’t bathe. I mean really didn’t take a bath/shower more than once every month. How would you act around him?”
Some laugh. Others don’t say anything at first, but once they do respond, it is almost universal, “I wouldn’t care about his opinion, or impressing him, so I’d do whatever I wanted.” That is not to say that they would be rude or unfeeling, it simply means that they would not be worried about saying the wrong thing or behaving in a certain way in order to impress him.

This causes me to respond….

“Exactly - that’s why the men you are not interested in having a relationship with like you so much.”

In those instances, what each woman is practicing is something called the ability to be at ease (cited from the late Alan Loy McGinnis cited in his classic book “The Romance Factor”). This principle applies to both men and women. However, when a woman acts in such a way, it is naturally more attractive than when she is “trying” to engage a man.

Some may call “the ability to be at ease” acting indifferent. However, it is more than merely pretending you don’t care. What men notice is a woman who can be soft when a man is caring and firm when he is indifferent. In short, a woman who believes and behaves as though she is valuable. Such a woman causes men to adore her and never even consider leaving her side.

So when you are unsure about your role as a woman in a relationship, remember that creating emotional dependency isn’t just good for a man, it is what he is hoping you will do for him. Just don’t expect him to admit it.