Marriage Articles  

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At times the insights occur quickly, other times it takes longer.  What would cause Alan to be so anxious? There may be a variety of reasons. Most likely, he is afraid of being hurt or rejected.

While he longs for a relationship, he has also set himself up for failure because he feels that a relationship should feel good...always...forever. 

His long history of avoiding painful feelings has taught him to be even more afraid of them. Painful feelings are bad things, to run away from.

The problem with Alan’s thinking is that relationships, by their very nature, are a bit scary. Once you allow yourself to experience a feeling you like (such as love), all the uncomfortable feelings now also have a doorway out of your heart.

It no longer remains suppressed, and it all comes out. Feelings and fears alike that may have been dormant for years now seem to come out at the most inconvenient times.

The reason I am so relationship oriented is that many times individuals misinterpret their fear and anxiety as something wrong with them or with their partner, rather than realizing it is something to work through.

It is an opportunity to be free of the very fears they are experiencing. (This in no way involves instances of abuse, or an unhealthily relationship. If it is unhealthy your friends and/or family will gladly point that out to you).  

If we could learn to stay with our fears rather than acting them out, our heart will learn that it does not need to protect us as it did when we were a child. In time those childhood fears will begin to subside. What now feels unnatural, can in time become effortless.  

If you or someone you know feels they are experiencing this type of issue, let them know that there is help. What is happening to them is not unique. There are answers to their questions and fears. Once they discover this, relationships become an opportunity for healing and growth, rather than work.

Copyright by Bob Grant, L.P.C. 2003-2006 All rights reserved.  No part of this article may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission.

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