by Tatia Dee
Have you ever felt like you’ve said the wrong thing to a man?
Have you ever wished you could take back your words after you've said them to him?
Do you ever feel like you'd have a better outcome if you knew the right thing to say?
I’ve been there before. And it felt horrible never having the right words to say to a man. Instead of drawing him closer, my words always seemed to push him further away.
A wonderful thing happened, though . . . I found a way to fix this problem . . .
I learned how to speak my power.
Speaking Your Power
Speaking your power is speaking your feelings.
Speaking your power is using your feelings and putting them into words that let a man know what does and what doesn't feel good to you.
What makes this way of speaking powerful is the ability to express what doesn't feel good while still keeping the connection between you and a man undisturbed (i.e., not pushing him away).
So before you talk with him, you prepare what you're going to say to him about a problem based on your feelings. You write down your feelings. Writing down your feelings in this way is called Scripting. Scripting is a coaching tool I use from the Rori Raye Method.
Scripting is writing out your feelings into short 1-2 sentence messages. Each sentence explains the feelings you have about a particular situation you want to express.
Start By Processing Your Feelings
It's important to remember that your feelings CHANGE from moment to moment, so you need to delve into the possible range of feelings you may have in the situation you're scripting for.
So it's very important to process your feelings when you're writing a script . . . you want to use your TRUE feelings.
You want to be authentic, and you also want to find the words that "work" for you.
This is where creativity and being poetic play a big role. You start somewhere deep in your chest, or in your stomach . . . you start where you're feeling stuff.
Feel everything going on inside of you, find a feeling that feels good to say (this may take some practice), and then feel the feeling that's dominating at the moment.
The best way to do this is to slow down and experience each moment at a time, meaning that you focus and observe your environment, your body, your breathing and feel exactly what you're feeling. Examine every feeling and go a little deeper each time. It's important to NOT be in a rush, because you want to search your feelings. You want to go through the process of going deeper to find the mixture of feelings you're experiencing at that moment.
Now write your feeling words down into a list. Write down all of the feelings that you've experienced around him or with him.
Practice Saying the Words that Describe Your Feelings
After you’ve processed your feelings, make a list of words that describe each feeling.
Many women find it helpful to practice saying each feeling out loud a few times (in the mirror) so that it feels more "natural" actually speaking your feeling words.
Writing Your Script
Now we're going to address how to approach the "problem" that you want to discuss with him.
Let’s use a hypothetical situation:
You’re very upset with a man about something he didn't do. You want to talk to him, but you want to use feeling messages, so that you're speaking from your feminine power, instead of leaning forward and speaking to him from a masculine or needy place.
Let's start off with the good feelings you're feeling first, because you're going to speak something positive to him before you address the problem you want to discuss.
Now take the list of feelings you wrote down before and put them into a script, using each feeling in a short sentence that starts with "I feel," "It felt," or "It would feel."
Break down your script into small segments, so that you're saying one or two feelings at a time, giving him a chance to respond. These are called rounds.
You end each round with "what do you think," or "is there something I should know," or "what can we do to fix this." Then, after he responds to you, say your next feeling message to him.
Speaking Your Script
Your first words are positive feelings.
So you've written your script and now you're there with your man. If you are too nervous to remember what you wrote, take your script out of your purse and read your feelings messages to him!
This is how you start: are you feeling happy to see him? Do you like the feeling of his hand holding your? Tell him! You’d say something like "it feels so good to see you. I love how my hand feels inside of yours."
Now Let's Address The Problem.
You want to start off saying something positive to him that doesn't make him wrong but keeps you focused on the feelings you're experiencing as a result of the problem.
Based on our scenario, you could say something like
"I'm feeling a little confused right now. I feel so good being here with you, and I'm still feeling ignored. Is now a good time to talk about it?" (Notice, you're not characterizing the problem, you're describing your feelings!)
If he says "No," then say "when is a good time for us to sit down and talk about it?"
If he says "yes, let's talk about it now," then remember to:
- Stay in your feelings in the moment (and not in your head);
- Speak your feelings rather than the facts;
- Give context about what you're talking about (make it brief and sweet)
- Don’t make him wrong; and
- Stay open, inviting and warm - don't shut down.
Remember to speak your feelings in small sentences, so that you're saying one or two feelings at a time, giving him a chance to respond in each round. Also remember to end each round by saying "what do you think." Once he responds, say your next feeling message to him.
Tatia Dee is a Life & Relationship Coach with a practice focused on helping women achieve the love and life they want in a quick, powerful and successful way. You can learn more about Tatia at www.Powertolove.com